Faded Perhaps

Perhaps all is faded regardless of time and memories.

 

 

It has been a while since I wrote something. It was challenging to write, to put down the thoughts that are running through my mind. Sometimes it felt like I lost my ability to write or my inspiration.  Perhaps it is the complexity that blocked it.  I could not find the reason behind or the trigger.

 

As we all pass through the hard time during the pandemic so do I. The moments that we lost the control on our life, our plans and more on.  Those moments when we feel like we are just a simple creature, which I believe is the reality but our arrogance makes us feel like we are more than that.

 

The epidemic took some part of our life and it frozen the life we used live in for some time. We all had some reflection moments.

So myself as well I had enough time to reflect on my life, my work, my surrounding, the purpose of my life and in general trying to understand myself in a better way.

 

I still cannot describe what exactly but I feel like that there has been many thing changed in my personality or more correctly on my perception of the life.

 

I had enough time to analysis my interaction with people and their interaction with me. There are some sad truths but I won’t share them here.

 

I took my time to reflect on the things I did, the decision I made and people I hurt intentionally or unintentionally. Since then when I act or need to a make a decision I think twice.

 

I thought of how my life would be different if I had a different decision or decisions. What kind of person I would be then?

 

There are some answers to above questions but of course we can never know exactly how it would be as not only the decision but the small details that follow it makes how our life is.

 

I made conscious decision about what I do in life regarding my profession. I knew since the beginning that financially it would not be satisfying but I wanted to believe that the change I could make for the world would be priceless.

 

I believed I could bring some changes, perhaps I did.

 

But losing the belief in what you do or witnessing to all the shits occurring surrounding makes you feel like you are just daydreaming in a bubble.

 

 

Time is essence and I feel it is running faster than me. I cannot follow anymore.

 

Day by day feeling something is dying in my heart, in my mind and my memories.

 

Perhaps all is faded regardless of time and memories.